Most of us have at least one person from our past who we haven’t forgiven. Maybe it was an ex who cheated, or a friend who said something terrible, or a boss who wronged you.

I used to think I was standing up for myself by hating someone who hurt me. I held onto that grudge for years. I thought I was punishing them by not loving them anymore.

I didn’t realize I was only punishing myself. 

When you choose to feel hate or stay angry at someone from your past, you are the only one experiencing that hate and anger, not them.

They don’t experience your feelings – they’re out there living their life.

Hate is not a pleasant feeling. Holding onto it doesn’t hurt them; it hurts you.

I used to pretend my anger was not a choice, that what this person did was so terrible I had to hate them. But I finally realized how much power I was giving them over my own emotional life.

I’m not saying you need to excuse or condone their actions or behaviors at all. I’m saying choose to feel something toward them that doesn’t limit your own life in any way.